Apparitions of Love
by Silk
Summary: This series of vignettes was originally posted back in '98. Written either through Xena or Gabrielle's eyes as their inner thoughts reflect on their love to the other. Vivid imagery and poetic.
1. Vision

******Disclaimers:** Xena, Gabrielle, and let's not forget Argo, are owned and battery operated by MCA/Universal/Renaissance and come with a lifetime guarantee. This little bit of something or other, is for pure entertainment purposes only. This series of vignettes was originally posted online back in '98. Written either through Xena or Gabrielle's eyes as their inner thoughts reflect on their love to the other.

**Vision  
by Silk  
copyright 1998**

_I loved, I kissed, I was happy, I conquered, her love is mine;_  
_But her name, and mine, and our story shall Love alone divine._  
Anonymous

I sit here by the camp's firelight, sitting across from her. Watching her with hooded eyes, my breath harsh and loud in my ears. From the tips of her toes, to the crown of her head, I love every inch of this woman. Her heart. Her soul. Her mind. Everything is added fuel to the fire of my passion for her.

Eyes which always seem to pierce me knowingly, stripping me to the core and leaving me naked before her. Taking away all my pretenses, she can look within and see all of me. Liquid pools that I can dive into for long moments, before I drown in their depths willingly.

That silken mane of hair, which I can never get enough of. The thought of those long strands falling through my fingers makes my pulse race and my blood start to burn. The smell of it, as it has just dried from washing, always gives me a pleasant feeling in my belly.

Her ears, so fine and sensitive, I can almost feel her shiver when I gently lick the rounded edge in my mind. The almost violent trembling she makes when I delicately pull the fleshy lobes within my mouth and eagerly suck on it. The gasp of delight she gives as I whisper my love to her.

By the gods, just thinking of this makes my mouth dry with longing. How can she sit there so casually? Can't she hear my heart pounding? Can't she feel the ground shaking under, what seems to me, the violent trembling of my legs against the ground. Can't she feel the heat of my gaze upon her skin?

Oh gods! Her skin. My hand wipes absently against the blanket I sit on as the thought of it invades my mind. Like silk, so smooth, yet the lightest of touches makes the fine hairs that cover her stand on end. Even then her body is so deceiving to the eye, muscle hidden under that sleek exterior. Power under beauty.

My hands grow more sweaty, just aching to touch her. Anywhere! I don't care where!

I take a deep breath, trying to control myself, but my eyes gravitate to her neck. So graceful. Its curves and length beckoning to me. The memories of my lips gently kissing that strong pulse make my skin ache with need. So powerful that pulse. So sweet beneath my eager lips. I swallow

unconsciously, tasting that phantom skin, the faint honey of it seems so real to me.

The night air is doing nothing to cool my burning skin. I'm afire with longing for her, but I hold myself back, wanting to just look for now. To enjoy her as she is, sitting there unaware.

My eyes travel back up, this time to her lips. Full and sensuous, I shudder in remembrance of the places that heavenly mouth has traveled over my body in love. Her kisses are like wine to me. The vintage varying from deep rich almost overpowering passion, to the soft sweet caresses. Each kiss making me drunk with desire for her and wanting to consume more. My tongue wets my own lips in eagerness for her.

I look away for a moment into the forest to catch my breath, but my senses know she is still there, and I cannot stay away. Once again I gaze at her, my eyes roaming down her body to stop at her breasts.

Surely she heard my breath catch?

Hungrily I devour the sight of her covered chest, the memories of my fingers gently trailing the lightest of touches across the delicate skin. Wide circles around the edges of the soft swells, slowly making my way inward to her hard nipple. My mouth is no longer dry, but gushing at the

thoughts. Her nipple a toy upon my tongue as I would roll, lick, and suck on it with delight. The deep moan and arch of her back as I lightly bite, then pull back scraping my teeth along its firmness. She always does this. The firm yet soft feel of her as my palms kneed and squeeze her flesh.

Now my hands itch. Unable to touch her, yet craving to feel her in my hands, I'm dying from the desire. Neither one of us pray to the gods, but I swear, Aphrodite has it out for us surely. Driving me insane with longing is just her style. If only I could drink from the pool that is my love this very moment. But still I hold myself back. We are both passionate women, but each of us is still new to this feeling. This need between us.

Just the sight of her is driving me to near insanity. Those legs so firm and muscular. I've had many a fantasy of just spending time worshiping those two lovely limbs of hers, from slowly caressing her toes, to the long slow sensual strokes on her thighs, that she cannot restrain from shivering

and moaning from.

With a quiet sigh I move my eyes upward past her calves, knees, and to her thighs until they reach that hidden part of her. Once again my mouth gushes in thirst, but my hands also hunger, itching more fiercely then before. My eyes close even further, until all else around me is gone, except for her. The sounds of the night, the crackling of our fire all drowned out by the loud pounding of the blood in my veins.

How I want to make her moan and cry my name as I would run my fingers through her soft curls, then trail one finger down the length of her. I know I would gasp at her wetness, I always do. I want to spread her lips apart and travel further, and yet I thrust the images from my mind. If I go

on I will never be able to return.

I love this woman with all my soul, and yet the desire I feel for her at time consumes me like a wildfire, threatening to blow my ashes upon the winds. I love her mind. Her heart. Her soul. Her body is only one of the things I desire about her.

Her giving of herself to help others. The innocence I see, though she has seen so much evil and hate. The laughter in her eyes when we talk. The concern I see when someone is injured. Her hands are gentle as they wrap bandages, I should know.

I shudder slightly as I realize how deep she has affected me. I close my eyes only for a moment and swim in the cries of hunger that flow through my body. Then opening them again, I realize she is looking at me. Her eyes entrap mine without a struggle. Does she see? Can she feel it? Oh gods...I both want her too and dread it.

Suddenly my heart stops, as the object of my heart stands and closes the distance between us. With a small smile she sits next to me, the heat of her body yet another sensation that drives me mad. So close to me and yet we are still separate.

"What are you thinking about?" Her voice rushes through me like a warm wind, heating parts of me that I didn't know were cold.

Meeting her eyes I shrug slightly, trying to keep myself under control. "You." I whisper back.

The look I receive turns me into liquid. My limbs won't support me much longer I know, and I thank any gods who are listening that I am sitting. Still, no matter what she does to me just by her presence, I crave more.

"What exactly do you think about when you think of me?" she asks, her voice low and soft in my ears.

My tongue feels stiff, unmoving, but I cannot deny her.

"Your lips on mine. Your skin under my worshiping hands. The taste of you. Your soul touching mine with just a glance. Your heart beating in time with my own, even when we are separated by the whole of Greece...or just the campfire." The words seem frail to me. I know I can do much better, but she drives the words from my mind just by her eyes upon me. O Fates, if you take me now, I would be the most happy of women in all the world, having known the complete love of this woman and having loved her completely.

I watch her eyes widen in surprise and I blush strongly.

Slowly she leans forward, her eyes locking with mine, until her sweet breath mixes with my own in the cool night air.

"How do you do it? How can you say such things and move me so?" she asks, her voice barely louder than the breeze.

"I have many skills," I answer simply, my eyes still connecting with her smoky green eyes.

She sighs and closes the distance between us, our lips finally meeting. The memory of her kisses pales in comparison to the delicious taste of reality. We merge, tasting, teasing, feeding on the other's love.

I moan deeply. How can I tell her, this woman I love dearer than life itself, that it is no skill that I have? How do I tell her, when the words fail me, that it is inspiration. That it is a vision that feeds me and her name is Gabrielle?


	2. Daydream

**Disclaimers:** Xena, Gabrielle, and let's not forget Argo, are owned and battery operated by MCA/Universal/Renaissance and come with a lifetime guarantee. This little bit of something or other, is for pure entertainment purposes only.

**Daydream  
_by Silk  
copyright 1998_**

_**Let passion's flame burn me,  
For the cold of lonely nights  
I can no longer bear.**_

_**Let passion's flame consume me,  
For my heart belongs to only one  
I willingly place it there.**_

_**Let passion's flame heal me,  
For there is no other cure  
I know no other kiss as fair**_

_~Silk _

I walk beside her down the road with Argo beside us. The dust from our footsteps leaving a kneelength cloud behind us and coating our boots. The sun, warm and bright, shines down, leaving the surrounding world energized. It is a beautiful day, but my eyes don't see the thriving forest or the beauty. Instead my eyes, my thoughts, my very being is consumed by the even lovelier dream beside me.

How long have we traveled together? Almost three years? A lifetime? Longer? Sometimes it seems so. The time we have had together precious, even though it has been filled with trial and tribulation.

I slow my steps, so that she walks slightly ahead of me. I wish to gaze upon her without her knowledge. I've learned all the tricks and I'd go to even greater lengths just to entice myself with her.

Sun or moonlight, both favor her, but I think I like her under the day's rays best, when everything about her is there for me to see, nothing hidden.

What is it about this woman that makes my blood burn? I've asked myself countless times, but with each answer there is yet another.

My eyes drift to her glossy hair. Many a time during our loving I've lain there and just fondled its length. The fine silken hairs caress my memory as if my hands were truly running through them now. The slick strands sliding between my fingers leaving a pleasant tingling behind.

Almost regretfully I turn my attention away from its luster and drift on. Her ears catch me next and I smile secretly. On her body, it is perhaps her ears that I love to play with most, knowing their sensitivity can make her chuckle or moan in pleasure with barely a nip or lick. The long curving edge of her ear teases my mouth and I swallow convulsively as my tongue absently moves in tiny strokes against my teeth. I can feel my breath on her ear in my mind, warming it, teasing it with my nearness. Her moan ripples through me, making my spine shiver in anticipation.

From her delicious lobe my eyes lower to her neck and I shudder in pleasure as I do every time. The memory of that night two years ago when Baccus came to the mortal realm and we were both bitten, becoming Baccae. So sensuous it was. So primal. Fire and ice. Pain and pleasure. I remember it so clearly and in my mind I travel that sleek neck with my lips. Light touches at first which quicken slightly the strong pulse beneath my mouth and eager tongue. Then harder kisses as I try to melt into her, the pounding of her life's blood calling me, matching the beat in my own veins.

I abruptly thrust away the apparition in annoyance. What am I doing? I can't even control my thoughts as we walk down the road together. I roll my eyes and hold back a chuckle at the absurdity of my dreaming, but like a bee drawn to a wildflower, I find I cannot look away.

Once again my eyes embrace her skin, traveling thirstily along her body. Muscles flex and tantalize under silken skin that begs for my touch. Flashbacks of a thousand kisses and caresses that I've worshipped upon her body tease me as I feel my pulse increase yet again. Surely the birdsong and gentle breeze rustling through the trees can't hide the pounding from her? Sure she can hear it as easily as Argo's hoofbeats? But no...she gives no sign and the we continue quietly on our journey.

One step in front of the other. One breathe after another. Automatically it's supposed to come to me and yet I seem to have to will myself to go on, to take a breath. To consciously lift up my foot and place it steadily before me. For just the sight of her now makes me weak and drives the air from my lungs as an offering to Aphrodite.

Never before has anyone affected me this way, and I pray that it shall forever be like this between us. Though torturous to me, I tremble within and become warm in its pleasurable discomfort. This feeling and need I have for her is a pain I will gladly accept for the rest of my days.

I try to control my breathing as I roam over her with my eyes, conquering all with just my gaze alone. Her arms which I can feel around me, holding me close as I do the same. A phantom dream and yet my skin cries out with her touch, my fingers shake as they melt into her skin. Such softness here, yet such strength also. Like a hawk, so deceptive to the eyes, you can't see the power under the beautiful feathers, unless you know what to look for. My fingers twitch in recall of running over those limbs. And I smile as my mind sees her moan in anticipation of more caresses by me.

I blink rapidly for a moment, for I can swear I see the liquid pools of her eyes melting into my own, full of arousal and need. But it is only an apparition, for she is still striding down the road beside me. My disappointment is eased slightly as I bring those orbs back from the depths of my memory, those colorful eyes that never cease to stop my heart.

Time and time again I've fallen into those bottomless depths to drown willingly. With just a long leisurely look down my own body, those eyes can bring me to the brink without even a touch from her hands.

Closing my eyes with determination I try and summon up other pictures. My home village. Friends. Memories of the past. Anything to calm myself, for I'm rapidly driving myself insane.

Can she see? Doesn't she know? I want her so badly, but there is something about her that always makes me hold back from telling her. Perhaps it's our past, our trials together. Even now we find some things hard to talk about. But always...always we stay together. And at night when the stars are out and the camp is set, we turn to each other and smile secretly. No matter the test placed between us, we surpass it. No matter what lingering pain, we know traveling and loving each other is the only life for us. Perhaps this is why I hesitate, for it is hard to believe that something so good has come to me.

I stumble slightly and open my eyes as I correct my step. Glancing over I notice my companion deep within her own thoughts and unaware of my misstep. But now my eyes are once again on her and I find I cannot pull them away. It is too late for me, the fire within refueled once again. The floodwaters threatening to burst past the dam of my soul.

So easily she does this to me and yet she seems so oblivious to it. With a silent groan I give in to my temptation and my vision focuses on her legs with joy. A wicked memory flashes in my minds eye, suddenly threatening me with weakness. I shudder, my body reacting uncontrollably. Those long muscular limbs wrapped around my waist. The sinewy strength countered by the exquisite warm silk of her skin against my own. The hot slickness against my lower stomach. No wonder I tremble.

Casually I reach up and wipe the beads of sweat from my brow. The pleasant warm day suddenly like a furnace upon my skin, heating me to the core.

Past the point where I can reign in my dreams I willingly torture myself with the aching memories of her and the sight beside me. Her flat lithe stomach quivering under my devouring lips and eager tongue, even as I feel her legs about me shaking violently as my hands stroke her wonderful thighs.

My hands are sweaty now at the thought and my eyes half-lidded in naked desire. This is too much to take! Why do I torture myself? The answer comes to me swiftly. Because I love her, and desperately want her to know it in her heart, feel it in her soul.

In my mind I slide my hands along her skin once again, my fingers splayed wide on her hips going past her lean waist to the treasures beyond. Even covered as they are in reality right now, in my fiery thoughts they are bare before me.

Phantom touches I give her. Soft mounds pliant and warm, that make my palms tingle. My breath is rapid. My face flushed. I tremble like a child. I'm surprised I'm still standing, let along walking without looking like a drunken sailor. My gaze bores into her. I am no longer sneaking looks, but staring outright, undressing her, loving her with my eyes. So much for her being observant.

All I want is to dive deep and taste her. Her sweet breath mixing with mine as our mouths merge, tongues entangling, dancing. Soft fragrant skin to taste. Her breasts heaving under my questing lips as I take her firm nipples within my hungry mouth. Her moans driving me on, feeding me, nourishing me with her need as I tease and nip at her. An even greater feast awaits me in my dream, and my mouth floods in reaction to that slick, wet, sweet flood.

I moan. I can't help it. I swear I can smell her, feel her heat warming my skin, her eyes boring into mine...her eyes...

Her eyes!

I flush deeply in realization. For this is no illusion, no dream of my mind. She stands before me, a knowing smile on her lips. How I wish those lips...NO! Best not to think about it anymore.

But she stops before me and I am given no choice but to halt or walk around. So I stop, of course, and do my best to look idly curious and raise an eyebrow.

She just chuckles softly, the sound sending a shiver through me that does nothing to ease my tension, my need. What I need is a cold bath, I decide.

She leans in close to me, her eyes gazing into mind, melting me completely with the fire that burns within. Yep...definitely a cold mountain fed bath. Right off a glacier. Anything!

"And what are you thinking about? Or do I have to ask?" She grins mischievously which makes her eyes narrow slightly. If it's at all possible, the sight raises my temperature more.

"Ummm..." My throat is raspy, unresponsive. I pull my eyes away from hers trying to compose myself. Coughing slightly as I cover my mouth, I try to will blood back into my brain. After what seems an eternity to me, but is in truth only a few heartbeats, I believe I have the words that will get me out of my predicament.

Bravely I look back up into those fiery eyes, doing my best to put the reins on my passion. Down girl! Breathe. Ok...now breathe normally. Good.

"What was the question?" Oh yeah. Good answer. I guess the blood in my body has better places to be other than my brain.

Again soft laughter blows that sweet warm breath upon me and I feel my legs starting to give. Resolutely I lock my knees, but this only causes me to sway violently and I pitch forward. Straight into the arms of my temptation. My torture. My dream.

Hands on her shoulders, I can feel the glowing warmth of her in my palms and fingers. Lucky fingers. I grin idiotically.

"I guess I don't have to ask then." Her voce washes through me, lower this time. Rich and full of something...something I recognize as being primal within myself.

I shudder as she wraps those real arms around me. Without preamble she gives me what I want, as suddenly her lips meet mine.

No soft kisses to start. I am far past that at this moment, and she knows it. I groan as our mouths press together, lips parting, and tongues invading with abandon. I realize once again why I love this woman. It's not just her body, her voice, her mind. But also her soul and her need for me that I love also. We crash together, two separate forces of nature. Earth and sea. People see us and wonder, for they can't see how two very opposite people can be so completely right for each other. They don't understand that two forces that are the same are lost. No beginning and no end. Whereas two, like us, land and sea, strive against each other passionately. Yet at the same time co-existing in an equal give and take relationship. One never yielding. The other unstoppable. Sparks. Flood. Fire. Ice.

Finally we break our kiss, each of us breathless. Her hand has wandered from my back and now cups my breast with an eager caresse. My own hands have traveled from her shoulders, one entangled in her glorious tresses as the other caresses her back, pulling her closer to me, molding her into me.

I've surrendered. No longer do I hide my passion from her as we lock our gaze again. With a low growl I narrow my eyes, my nostrils faring as her scent sears into my fevered brain.

"I want you. Now!"

She kisses me again, leaving me near boneless in her embrace. What she does to me!

Again she pulls back, and this time I moan in protest.

"Actually, love." My lover smiles at me knowingly. "You've been wanting me for the past league or so."

My mouth drops open, then snaps closed again. "Tease! You knew!"

"I have many skills," she replies as we quickly make camp in the forest and she precedes to show me one or two I hadn't seen before.

It is far better than any dream.

**The End**


	3. Illusion

**Illusion**  
_by Silk_  
_copyright 1998_

She's an illusion. An apparition of heated air in the dark night, shimmering and tantalizing the eye. She sits talking with the Amazons that surround both of us, laughing and joking with them comfortably.

Yet another feast. Yet another farewell we must make to these women that have taken us both in like family. A home we could have here if we wish and sometimes we're tempted to accept. To leave the road, the constant traveling. We fight so hard to drive off raiders from town after town, only to have another group come and raze it to the ground after we leave. It weights heavy on us both.

I'd rather see her as she is now, not road weary, but a self-assured woman holding her own, the golden-red firelight casting her in an almost surreal glow. She becomes more than real to me, more capable, more magical. Her face alive, animated as she talks to her companions. Seeing her like this, lifts all the weight from my shoulders and fills my soul.

Her hair, a radiant crown, taking in the flickering glow of the bonfire like a spark to tinder and gleaming with a fire all its own. She is elemental. Primal fire, whose very sight burns through my veins. The pain of her, leaving me no choice but to look on, for she feeds me at the same time. My eyes don't blink, I just stare, hypnotized by her.

One of my own companions tries to get my attention and she teases me knowingly when I finally look her way. I guess we are a sight, like two lovesick youngsters at times, and no matter how I blush and glare, I d change nothing.

I try and pay close attention to the conversation around me, but even though she's across the clearing from me, separated by the bonfire and Amazons, her presence is too much for me to bear and I excuse myself.

I lean against a pillar holding up a nearby hut, my tankard refilled, and let the shadows embrace me. Here in the darkness I'm able to watch unobserved and I'd rather have it this way. The object of my heart the only thing I see. She's surrounded by countless beautiful women, but to me there is only her. No beauty matches hers. No soul calls to me like her own.

Entranced, I quench my sudden thirst by draining my mug, the fiery Amazon wine cold compared to the heat the sight of her burns within me. Then my mouth is dry again as she turns, scanning the celebration for me. At least I hope it's for me. She frowns slightly when she doesn't find what she' s looking for and starts to excuse herself. But before she can disappear, the drums start to beat, a low booming sound that vibrates in time with my heart, and she is coaxed into the circle of dancers.

This force of nature that is my beloved, this woman of my heart, joins in the mass of whirling, swaying figures as if she has always belonged there. Around the fire the Amazons and my soul circle like dryads around an oak. The beat, ancient as the heart of the world, driving them, letting them abandon their cares and woes, each casting off the cloak of humanity and becoming elementals of fire, praying, worshiping as their idol casts flickering light upon their twisting bodies. But even among the mass of dancers, she outshines all the Amazons and the flames themselves. Leaping fingers of fire hold no heat compared to her. Sensuous is her dance, more hypnotizing than the flames, entrapping my eyes. Muscles ripple, tanned flesh stretches and tantalizes as she caresses the air with waving arms and gesturing hands. Her hips sway in time both to the drums and an inner rhythm that only she and I can hear.

I am faint, dizzy with the sight and thought of her. Fingers suddenly nerveless, drop my empty cup, but I barely register it. I need balance, but my legs are trembling violently. Blindly, my eyes still riveted on her dance, I reach behind me and grasp the wooden pillar with my hands, bracing myself. I hardly feel the hard wood against my back and under my clenched fingers, as all my senses are with her, dancing wildly around the central fire.

I've felt passion a hundred times, base and sublime, but the passion of this love I feel for her is the sweetest and the most torturous. To need so desperately, body and soul. To know, that without this other half of you, you are empty. Just a body living a life that means nothing. To desire so much, that you would do anything to bring happiness to your lover. For with her happiness your life is complete and full of joy. Yes, I've felt passion, but it is nothing beside this soul fulfilling ecstasy that is love. A glance from those gem colored eyes can drive me insane with desire. An accidental touch from her has driven me to my knees a time or two. It is this woman, her heart, her soul, her mind that has captured me entirely. I willingly stay caged, knowing that there is no danger and no safety as sweet.

So, with this apparition, the dancing goddess of fire, before my eyes, I am lost. Completely and forever. I am surely dying, drowning in this illusion, for this can t be real. Nothing so passionate as this creature of flame can be real.

I close my eyes against the sight. It s not real. Nothing is. This joy, this love I feel is not possible. Even the Goddess Aphrodite cannot understand this feeling. Illusion. It must be all illusion. She is only an illusion.

A hand, warm and callused, brushes against my arm. My eyes start to fly open, but a familiar whispering voice stops me.

"No. Keep them closed. Please." The sound of her voice caresses me as softly as her hand, and I give in without a fight, my lashes fluttering closed before I can even register my surroundings.

How... how did she sneak up on me? Gods! I don't care! My mind is instead on that well-known hand as it slowly strokes down my arm, to sweep lightly over my clenched fingers.

"You're so tense." Her low voice sends a shiver up my spine.

I can only nod as my side suddenly feels the heat of her body as she steps closer to me, but not touching. I swallow painfully, thirsty for what I don t know. Ale? No. My tongue wishes something more sweet. Wine? No. Even water holds no desire for me. My mouth is dry, raging only for a drink that I cannot see, only feel the breath of against my shoulder.

I groan almost inaudibly as her hand comes back up to my shoulder, her fingers teasing my hot skin and pulling down one of the straps of my outfit.

"I could feel your eyes upon me all night." Her breath now washes over my ear as she leans closer. Still she doesn't touch me besides her exploring hand.

I start to speak her name, but it comes out unintelligible.

"Lost your tongue, my love?" She laughs softly as her hand moves tantalizing slow across my collarbone. The light pressure of her lips follow, seeking my pulse. I shiver involuntarily, goosebumps rising all over my body, but it isn't the cold but my lover who causes this.

Another chuckle and I smile, relieved that my reaction pleases her. I would do anything to make her happy. Anything.

All thoughts of dancing amazons and feasts have long fled my mind, and so when the words come to my ear I have no idea who speaks them, me or her.

"What is this I feel?  
More painful than a sword's thrust  
My chest aflame with desire

The king's torturer has no skill  
To surpass this agony  
My limbs trembling with want

A beast's terrible claws  
Have left no mark as deep  
My skin quivers in anticipation

Poison's cloying taste  
Has left no honey as sweet  
My lips burn with need

The sun's bright rays  
Can not blind me so  
My eyes yearn for the sight

The depths of Tartarus  
Hold no agony in comparison  
My soul cries out in hunger

This fire in my veins  
Burning through to my core  
What is this I feel?"

The words fade and for a moment I'm confused. Were they mine? Hers? Were they spoken at all or were they a figment of my imagination? And what is the answer to those words? I knew it only moments ago, but it s been swept away in the burning tide that is my love for her. I can't think clearly.

Then even those questioning thoughts are erased from my mind as her body finally comes fully in contact with mine and her lips leave my neck, then descend again to brush against my mouth. So lightly is her sweet kiss, that I mistake it at first for the wind. Then her soft lips part and her tongue lightly sweeps against me.

My legs give out, all my strength gone at her touch, but she holds me up, supporting me against the stout pole. Her other hand touches down on my hip and squeezes softly, then starts to drift down.

My mind, what little of it that can concentrate, doesn't know where to pay attention. Her lips on mine. The urgent hand that I realize is now playing with my breast through the material that covers it. Her other hand that has drifted down my hip and is running teasing fingertips up and down my bared thigh. Her body stretched fully against mine, one of her legs between my own that's bracing us up, and pressing against me. Each one is killing me.

_I can't concentrate!_

I struggle for breath through our kisses and try to focus, but nothing comes to me. This desire that's rushing through me for her is too painful. I want to run away, flee from this woman who has defeated me utterly. There is no way to win this fight for my very self. Perhaps the only way to win... to survive, is not to run, but to stay. But staying means my destruction at the hands... the lips ...the desire of this goddess of fire. Her primal flame is burning me within and without. The heat of her skin white-hot against my own wherever we touch. My passion for her searing my heart until I fear I shall ignite in her arms, two beings of fire combining into one.

_I don't care. Consume me!_

I moan in surrender, knowing that this is not new for me. That I surrendered to her the first time we met. Two roads. Two lives. Two hearts. One soul consumed by love and desire.

Again her sweet tongue brushes against my lips seeking entry. My surrender complete, my lips part willingly and she dives in, her breath and mine mixing as our tongues slide and twist. Not against, but with each other.  
This is no contest, but a merging.

With a renewed sense of strength I press against her hands and leg, urging her on. I have found the drink I crave and there is nothing else I desire.

Two deep moans combine into one and she pulls away after what seems like an eternity. I can feel her smile for a heartbeat of time against my mouth and then she is gone.

The cold night air washes over me, the warmth of her body, her touch suddenly gone and missed immediately. I wait patiently, my eyes still closed, but she is no longer with me. Where is my love?

Opening my eyes, I scan for her among the crowd of befeathered warriors that still celebrate under Artemis moon. It is only a moment to find her, but when I do my heart skips a beat and my breath catches.

She is dancing among them still. Her body slick with sweat, leaping and swaying like a wild thing of nature. In shock, I turn my gaze from her and look at my surroundings, but there is no one near me. I'm alone in my shadowed corner.

Once again my limbs grow weak, but this time there is no stopping me from falling. My back against the pole, I slide down until I sit in the cool grass.

My lips still tingle with her kiss. My mouth still tastes of her, sweet and wild. My skin cries out for hers. But it wasn't real, for my lover is dancing, the drums beat still pulsing through her veins.

As the dance continues on, as I watch the heart of my heart, eyes the color of bright green fire, turn towards me, seeking me out in the night.

They glitter with laughter.

Perhaps she truly is an illusion.

**The End**


	4. Reflection

**Disclaimers: **Universal/MCA/Renaissance are the proud owners of a '57 Buick...err...Ooops. I meant to say...they are the proud owners of Xena and Gabrielle. Originally published in '98, this piece of fan fic entertainment created for your enjoyment was written for non-profit purposes only. Reflection is the fourth short story in the series called "Apparitions of Love", even though they really aren't stories, but just exercises in femslash for me.

**Reflection**_**  
**by Silk  
copyright 1998_

_**Walk on the ocean  
Step on the stones  
Flesh becomes water  
Wood becomes bone**_

_-Song by the band "Toad"_

Turning my face up towards the malevolent gray sky, I let the full force of heaven's fury fall down upon me, reveling in the wind that brushes past my body and the rain that wraps me in its wet cocoon.

Willingly embracing the storm, I am quickly covered from head to toe in its liquid essence. The rain cools my skin and plasters the simple white shift I wear to my body. I am essentially naked, bared to a world that cannot see, will not see me as I wish to be.

It is moments like these, when I am alone, that I feel as if I am two people. One soul split asunder.

Darkness and Light.

Fire and Water.

But here in the rainstorm's path I am only one, the shadows left behind for my harsher half as I am cleansed. The darkness, a black thick coil that lives and breathes like a monster from the depths of Tartarus inside of me, is banished by the rain and washed away from my body to lie dormant in the soil beneath my feet. The blood is cleaned away, along with the aches and the pains that plague me.

No longer am I a killer. No blood. No lies. No sorrow. No hate. No anger. No fear. I am unfettered, released from the bonds that others and I put upon me. No expectations.

Here, enfolded in the tempest's embrace, I am free to be anything I wish. Free to run wild and carefree in the green rolling hills. Free to laugh like a young child at the dazzling patterns the sun creates on the ground through the branches of a cypress tree. Free to love without fear of rejection. Free to be innocent once again.

I feel as if with only a single thought or wish I could become the rain that caresses my skin lovingly, to be a part of the storm itself. An elemental being of pure water that flows down to the soil and becoming a puddle. Then letting the downpour continue to fill me, expanding my very self until I flow along the ground and join with others like me again and again, until I finally reach the sea and I am embraced.

Rain slickens my skin and I raise my arms to try and enfold the storm more fully. All my concerns, my woes, my life drift further and further away from me and I let them. There is nothing to hold me here. Nothing to chain me to the dark husk that is the other side of me. Only the rain holds my future, all else is past. I need nothing else to escape.

I don't know when I first realize that I am no longer alone. One moment I am yearning for freedom from this tired flesh, the next there is someone with me.

The presence comes closer, but I sense no threat. Heat radiates from behind me, warming my back and sending a shiver up my spine.

A slim hand gliding up my raised arm is the first touch to breach the water that covers my skin. My mind rebels at first and my arm twitches at the touch, but something deep within me knows the one whose fingers entwine with mine and I surrender to the contact.

Warm breath caresses my ear as I feel her step even closer, but still only her hand touches me. The cold within me is melting, leaving a core of emptiness that aches. I suddenly yearn for something beyond the rain and the storm. Something elusive and tantalizing.

Then it comes to me...I know who this is. Woman. Companion. Friend. Lover.

A low guttural moan rumbles from deep within me as she finally steps close enough that her body touches my back. Her breasts and taunt stomach graze against me as her thighs meld along my own.

Confusion clouds my mind and my tenuous grasp on freedom starts to slip away. What is this feeling that is seeping within me from her touch, invading my body and filling the emptiness?

She pulls back the wet hair from my neck and her breath moves down from my ear to my shoulder. My muscles tense up in anticipation or fear and another link is reset on the chains that hold me to this life.

Lips, soft and almost burning hot, kiss my bared neck just above the collar to my shift. A bolt of energy washes through me from the touch, exploding both in the void deep inside me and in my brain. No longer am I hollow, unfulfilled. Instead, a fire slowly grows deep inside of me, expanding with each heartbeat of hers that I can feel pulsing on my back.

I can sense my other self nearby, looking in from the darkness which it inhabits. It wants me. I can feel it demanding to be let back in, but the rain still keeps it at bay. Or perhaps it's just my need for the rain with its cleansing power that makes the shadowy part of me unable to come near. Or perhaps it's something else all together.

But with this woman I feel the chains becoming heavier and the other part of my soul coming closer, heralding the weight of my life placed upon my shoulders again.

The expectations. The guilt. With every breath I take within this woman's embrace, I can feel the world starting to come crashing down upon me.

I don't want this! I need...freedom!

I am so very tired. My strength is nearly gone from carrying so many burdens._ Let me go_, I cry silently unable to speak.

My body becomes rigid and I start to pull away from her. She's the source of my bonds and I know to fully be clean I must escape from her.

But she follows me insistently, keeping my hand entrapped in her own and wrapping her other arm around my waist. She pulls me back to her and I shudder as we come into contact again.

"No."

The hoarse whisper barely escapes from my lips and the word is almost lost in the tempest's fury. But she hears my plea and answers wordlessly, pulling my shift down away from my neck with her teeth and gently licking the moisture from my skin.

An abrupt wave of weakness crashes through me, making my arms tremble with the strain until they finally fall to my sides. I stumble, my knees starting to collapse, but she has other plans and wraps my hand and hers around my body pulling me even closer towards her.

Warm...my back is so warm where she crushes me to her. Her nipples hard and demanding crushed against me. The battle for my freedom is lost as the rain tries to come between us, but there is no space for it to enter. Hot flesh pressed up against flesh is a barrier it cannot pass.

_Let me go. Free me. _My mind silently screams the words, but the heat is burning the rain from my mind and body and I can feel myself concentrating more on my lover than my avenue of escape from life.

She raises her hand to my chin and pulls back my head to her shoulder as her lips move deliciously from my neck to my jaw and then my ear. Her playful tongue darts in and out of the seashell curls of my ear, sending more shivers through me. At the same time she uses our clutched hands to carefully unbutton the soaking shift covering my body, exposing my skin fully to the elements and to her touch.

I find no energy to fight her as my hand betrays me and assists her, our fingers moving in tandem along my ribs to my quivering abdomen.

She moves her other hand from my neck, making me moan with the loss, but her lips continue to pay homage to my ear, gently nipping the lobe and taking it within her mouth. Her hand drifts down to an unveiled breast, trailing light fingers over the soft swell, then gently over the puckered nipple.

I'm trembling at her touch and in desperation I make one last attempt to free myself. Placing my free hand behind me on her hip I try and push her away, but it is to no avail. I've lost the war as I betray myself and focus momentarily on my hand and the smooth naked flesh underneath it.

My fingers move slightly and pull her hips insistently towards me, wanting her to melt into me as much as she can. I find myself craving her skin, her touch, her smell...I find I crave her.

Our hands continue their wandering together, slowing drifting down until damp curls meet our touch. My legs spread slightly at the command of her knees and my thighs shake in expectation of what I know is to come. I can't resist her force of will, so instead I choose to flow with the tide of battle, accepting defeat and its price...and its reward.

I gasp loudly as our fingers slid into my slick folds, moving as one. The world ceases to exist except for the two of us. Her breath comes as harshly and as fast as my own, her groans of pleasure mimic mine as I come closer and closer to the edge. The heat of her body merges with mine and it burns the rain falling down upon us, sending billowing clouds of steam rising up into the storm.

I writhe in her arms, my head turning to her finally and my lips finding hers hungrily. She invades me with ferocity, claiming me as our fingers together delve deeply to claim the other source of heat and moisture of my body.

My eyes meet hers and our rhythm increases. As our tongues play fiercely, her hand ceases its teasing caresses on my breast and becomes more bold, firmly squeezing my nipple in time with our plunging.

The sensations explode within me catching me by surprise and driving all sense of time and place from my mind. Eyes slamming shut as the countless, merciless waves of pleasure surge through me, I scream my lover's name as she ravenously continues on.

She keeps going, demanding more from me. I give her what she wishes until I am spent, my body no longer able to keep itself upright.

As I collapse in her arms, I realize that there is no dark part of my soul waiting to overwhelm me when the rain is gone. That shadow self was always an apparition, a reflection I always expected to be there when I looked deep within myself.

The blood is real and so is the guilt, but they aren't simply washed away by the purity of water. They are a part of me, and I can only be released from their grasp when I learn to live with their weight.

The expectations and the burden of others' needs are another matter. I find that while my heart slows and my lover pulls me closer to her breast, that the influence of them isn't heavy at all. Instead they grow lighter as I find that I want people to need me. I don't thrive on their pain and suffering, but on being able to bring them hope and some happiness.

Turning my head slightly I look up at eyes the color of bright gems and smile softly, in awe of the power that this woman holds. A woman who loves me unconditionally and whom I love above all others.

Not even the elements can defeat her determination and heart. If anything, she is the true reflection of my soul and I am hers.

**The End**


	5. Phantom

**Disclaimers: **Universal/MCA/Renaissance are the proud owners of...um...I think I forgot their names. Hmm...oh well, I'm sure one or two of you out there have an idea of who it might be. Anyway, whomever they may be, their souls live here in the realm of fan fiction, where I think they truly belong. Originally posted in '98, these stories got a tad more explicit as the series progressed, so don't be surprised at what you read in here. Although, IMHO, these are more like bits of sensuality than anything else you might label them. But this isn't just sex folks...at least, not for me. Poetry? Erotica? I just have no idea what to label the silly things. Phantom is the fifth short story in the series called "Apparitions of Love". Enjoy.

**Phantom  
**_by Silk  
copyright 1998_

_**I am dry with longing and I hunger for her.**  
-Sappho_

_**Safe now. I've flown to you like a child to its mother.**  
-Sappho_

I awake feeling as if I'm floating in a warm pool of sunlight.

It's always day here, or at least I've never seen the night and the bright stars that grace it. Even my memories of the evening are vague. How many days have passed while I've been here? How many turns of the seasons? Have I always been here? Have I ever even seen a night sky? A moon? Spring or winter? Or are these recollections just flitting figments of my mind?

Whatever they are, the memories are dim, fading...slipping away to disappear in the glowing comfortable heat of the light that wraps around me.

I finally realize, after what might be another day or two of dreamy thoughts, that my eyes are closed and so I open them. As I sit up, I gaze around in drowsy curiosity at all the people that drift around me. They seem to pay me no mind, although one or two do gaze at me with vague smiles.

Beyond them are green fields of grass as far as I can see, broken only by groves of trees and a meandering stream that flows into a tranquil pond. Women and men peacefully sit, walk, or sleep in the warm light. Not a one with an urge to be anywhere else. This is our existence...this light, this peace.

I wonder if this has always been so.

As if that thought is a beacon, a feeling unlike any I remember comes to me. Before, there was only tranquillity inside me, now there is uncertainty and loss. But it does not come from within me, for I have nothing to regret, no pain to bear. In fact, I can't recall a time when I was sad and when I try to remember the feeling, nothing comes to mind.

So what is this? It seems so foreign, a sensation that is a stranger to this world of serenity.

And I respond to it. It is impossible not to.

It tugs at my soul, an ache that, at first, only trickles into my soul, but quickly builds into a steady stream of indistinct but stronger emotions. My palms itch and I feel as if I must do _something...__** anything**__._

Standing up, I scrutinize this idyllic place more closely, certain that something is amiss. But I find only happy people and I see no lonely...yes, that's the emotion, I know it.

It's loneliness that wells up from deep within me. So intense, it moans like a living being inside my head...inside my very soul.

Calling, begging for me.

Craving every part of me.

Heart bleeding, aching for me.

This existence...this warm womb of a world is all I know. No sorrow here. No pain. Emotions that I don't remember having before and barely understand. Where does this pull come from?

I close my eyes for only a moment, to try and find its source, but all I feel is the sadness growing, spreading throughout my body until I feel wetness on my face.

In shock I open my eyes again and lift a shaking hand to my cheek and look at it. Water, warm and clear, is on my fingertips. Carefully I taste it and the faint salty flavor surprises me.

Tears.

That is what these are. I remember now. Tears.

I look at them in both awe and confusion. What need do I have for tears here?

Then I find my feet moving, almost of their own accord. Away from these people, these specters whom I don't know.

As I walk through the soft, sweet smelling grass, the tug within me seems to grow even stronger, as if with every step I take I grow closer to its wellspring. Soon I find myself running as fast as I am able, a wind in a world without even a breeze.

Beyond hills of soft clover, through cool springs, and past groves full of content people.

Every step brings new breath into me, blowing away the haze within my mind. I don't completely understand it, but I know..._**I know**_ this place is not meant for me. That something...waits for me. All I need do is find it.

Through a forest of tall trees and into the mist I journey, my pace never slowing. The fog grows darker and the light becomes a reddish hue. Then I'm through and running past a far different landscape. Grim people inhabit this place. Screaming, writhing, masses of people in a world that is definitely not like the meadows I know.

But my eyes barely acknowledge their existence, for the need I have to keep running, to find the source of this pain and suffering, is far greater than my curiosity for this darker realm.

Through shadowy caverns I travel, moving unerringly toward my goal. Soon, I am passing fewer of these desperate souls and I am now alone.

A massive structure rises before me, but I barely see. Only the flash of the white, glistening bones of the gate catches my eye for a brief moment. It doesn't matter that the space between the bars isn't wide enough, or that a dark shape hurls itself at me as I twist and dive between. It doesn't matter that this beast has three heads or that its eyes gleam with an immortal glow. It doesn't matter that fangs snap at me and the monster howls loud enough to make the ground rumble in protest.

It just doesn't matter.

The bars are no hindrance if you don't let them be and the dog is just that...a dog. Three heads or one, I leap over and disappear into the shadows, not even hearing the cries of annoyance and rage.

It just doesn't matter, because it's already behind me and I have only the earth, damp and moist, surrounding me, herding me like a child being born towards...towards...

If only I knew.

The scent of water comes to me and I follow the thread of anguish towards it, diving into the dark, cold depths without taking a breath.

Down into the murky pool I swim, my strokes as swift and as sure as my racing steps on land.

Here in the deep gloom, my only light is that which is within me. The glow of the fields, the warmth of contentment and happiness is gone, replaced by the call, the need inside.

Then, there is a new light, flickering not far below me. Twinkling and teasing me on, until I break the surface of the water and come out into the world again.

Night.

Stars.

A cloak of ebony thrown across the sky and glittering tears that have fallen from the gods' eyes.

I remember this now.

Orion. The Fish. Andromeda. So many others.

As I leave the lake and begin again my hurried journey, fragments of memory come to me. A warm, crackling fire. Fur from my bedroll tickling the backs of my legs as I stare up into the sky with...with...

I almost stumble as I realize that this vague shape without a face or voice, which now stands out from the fog in my mind, brings more forgotten memories to the fore.

Slim hands traveling over my body knowingly. Soft lips tease my lips.

Now the ache within me is no longer just from this other source, but wells up from my own depths.

With a burst of energy, I run faster until the shadows of the trees pass by in a blur.

Closer.

Closer.

I must get closer.

It draws me...something...

No. _**Someone**_ draws me nearer.

Then the shadows pass and I know I am near. Instinctively I slow down and come to a stop.

A campsite lies before me with a banked fire, meager belongings, a faintly familiar pale four-legged shadow in the trees, and a near naked form lying on a bed roll.

Still drawn, as if I am a moth to a flame, I kneel down beside the slumbering figure.

Hair gleaming in the bright moonlight, skin almost glowing as brilliant as the embers of the fire. Leisurely, my gaze drifts down her body, taking in the light sleeping tunic she wears that reveals more than it covers.

Just the sight of her stirs me. A tide of desire rushes up within me, but still I feel confusion as well.

Who is this woman and how does she cause such turmoil inside of me?

I bend down and try to brush my hand along her cheek. But I am a phantom...nothing to her. I can feel only the vaguest of sensations as I caress her skin. It is then that she rolls over from her side and onto her back, one forearm resting under her head.

So beautiful...but who is she? What does she mean to me? What is this pain she bears inside? So beautiful...so sad.

As if entranced I lean down further, my face to hers. Breath, that sweet, life-giving elixir, escapes from her lips. I tremble as I taste it upon the night air, savoring its warmth and dive in, brushing her mouth with mine. Like a breeze, I touch her the only way I can.

The moan that erupts from her melds with my own and my hunger increases tenfold. This is no stranger now. No memory can taste as sublime. This is the other half of my soul.

She sleeps, dreaming of whom I need not ask, for her eyes flutter beneath long lashes and she whispers my name in aching, sensual need. This was the call I answered.

Oh Hades, you placed me in the most divine of worlds, but even with the pain of memory taken from me...I knew something is missing. No matter the distance, no matter the price I have yet to pay, there is no way you could hold me from the very person that brings me the most peace. By her side..._that_ is where my Elysian Field is. Nowhere else.

I run my hand along the planes of her face and even though I can barely feel it, I do remember.

Silken skin passes under my fingers and fine hairs rise as I drift down to her neck. I imagine the faint warmth as hotter under my touch, her pulse, drumming rapidly against my hand, matching my own. A whispering trail along the top of her breastbone, to dip into the slight well at the base of her neck.

My lips can do nothing less but to follow my caresses now and I brush them, like the lightest of feathers along her skin. The subtle scent of her body wafts up to me and I nearly whimper as the memories keep flooding in.

No ethereal flower from Persephone's gardens could smell as fragrant. My ghostly lips barely taste her skin, both my hands now roam her body.

As I cup soft swells through the thin material, my thumbs brushing hardened tips, I lift my head and gaze down at her face. How could I have forgotten this face?

_I love you_, I murmur, wondering if she could hear my words in her Dreamworld.

Eyes, sparkling like the most precious of gems, open sleepily and I gasp aloud in wonder at their depths. My hands still and I wonder if she truly did hear me, or perhaps even felt my touch. But I know that it is impossible, for I am insubstantial. My hands can barely feel her warm skin and she could easily dismiss my touch as the gentlest of breezes.

Oh Hades, now I understand why you take the memories from us. It is not the painful recollections that we need to be protected from, but the most pleasant. What we do not miss, we can not yearn for.

And then...she calls my name.

Perhaps she glimpses me by the light of the moon or perhaps its Love's eyes that gift her. Either way, I answer her, my eyes brimming over with joyous tears.

Carefully she reaches up and cups my phantom cheek and touches one of the glittering drops. Bringing it back down she gazes at it in reverence.

"Beloved," she whispers, her own tears now sliding off her cheeks.

_Love, _I answer. Yes, my heart aches, but it soars also. The pain of remembering is indeed worth the price.

"Is this..." she paused, her face drawn with sadness. "Are you..."

She cannot finish and my heart begins to break along with hers.

_Yes, this is real. I am here. As much as I can be, _I reply. _I could come no sooner._

I will not tear her heart further by saying that I could not remember her. She's burdened by enough pain as it is.

"Touch me," she pleads, her eyes streaming with burning tears.

_Forever._

I lean down once again to try and capture her lips in mine. Need...aching desire. Such words are insignificant beside the truth. As her mouth and mine merge, I feel more solid against her and swear I can taste her more fully.

She groans beneath me and places her hands upon my hips, her fingers instinctively pulling me down on her.

Length to length. Warm flesh against spectral flesh. Living breath mixing with ethereal breath.

Elysia.

Almost trembling from the exquisite sensations, I part my lips, offering...supplicating myself to her. With a sigh she complies and delves within me, searching out each remembered taste and texture.

My hands begin to move again, caressing soft flesh through the light and billowy shirt. Legs part and entwine.

Elysia.

Sure hands run up and down my sides, exploring each rib, each dip and swell. If I was wearing any semblance of clothing, it is long gone. My body trembles at her touch. It knows its other half. It has no need for reminders.

_I love you, _I tell her again, glad that she awoke from her slumbers.

Her answer is only a growl of need as she consumes my mouth and devours the contours of my body with her hands.

She begins to move under me, undulating with want as she presses up against me, demanding...commanding.

I obey as I have always obeyed. She summoned me and I came. There is nothing I would not do for her.

She gives a small groan of annoyance as I leave the sweet well of her mouth and travel down. Then she gives a louder one when she realizes that I plan to torture her.

She may command and I may obey...but I obey at my own pace and I plan to savor every single space of her body that I can get to. I want to sear her into my memory this time. Never again will I forget. _**Never!**_

As my lips once again explore the body of my soul, I carefully roll us over. Then taking her nightshirt in my two hands, I will them to grasp it and tear it from her body.

My mind hazed by desire, I don't care how I did it, only that the objective was accomplished and she is revealed to me, fully.

Elysia.

She glows in the moonlight like a goddess, rising above my supine body, her eyes glittering into mine. Taking my hands in her own, she guides me to her, returning me to her soft curvy flesh.

Touching? Merging is more accurate.

I moan with pleasure and lift myself up to taste her. Hardened tips strain against my lips as I kneed and caress. Her hands in my hair urge me on, begging me for more one moment...demandingly crushing me against her the next. Her warm silken thighs wrap around my waist and I can feel her desire searing me.

Elysia.

But not enough...I need more and eventually I leave the feasting grounds of her breasts and pull her up and above me.

I tease her as only I know how. Each nip, each nibble on her lithe inner thighs sending a riot of tremors through her body.

Eyes narrowed to bare, gleaming slits, look into my own with hunger.

"Touch me," she pleads yet again, her voice cracking with the strain of want.

_Forever,_ I promise as I finally stroke the length of her, tasting her.

How could I have forgotten this? This sweet potion that pours from her as strongly as the love she shares. She is my fountain, my wellspring and I eagerly drink from her, taking everything she has to offer.

Elysia.

Even when the first shudders rip through her and she arches into the sky screaming my name like a benediction, I do not stop my partaking of her essence...my thirst is far too great. So, again and again I suckle and stroke her, enjoying her continuing cries of pleasure as much as her taste.

It is only when she collapses against me, pleading with me to stop, that I move and bring her into my arms.

As the night stills around us, recovering from my lover's passionate outcries, I take in a breath just so I can inhale her scent again. My eyes close with delight as I taste her on my lips...and in my soul. I shall not soon forget her.

When I open them again, she is looking down at me. Several emotions flicker across her flushed face.

Sorrow. Love. Fear. Desire.

But I don't need to see them on her face, for I feel them within me. I don't wish to go back, for I love this woman. I don't want to go back to that green meadow where only happiness reigns and desire is forgotten.

Even now I can feel myself becoming less tangible, the sensation of my lover's skin growing faint.

"Don't leave. _Please_," she begs. Sparkling tears once again flow from her beautiful eyes.

How can I deny her?

How can I refuse my Elysia?

**The End**


	6. Spectre

**Disclaimers: **Universal/MCA/Renaissance are the proud owners of...um...I think I forgot their names. Hmm...oh well, I'm sure one or two of you out there have an idea of who they might be. Anyway, whomever they are, their souls live here in the realm of fan fiction, where I think they truly belong. "Specter" is the sixth short story in the series called _Apparitions of Love_, even though they really aren't stories, but just exercises in subtext/maintext/supertext...whatever. Call it what you will, just keep the flames to yourself. This one is rather mild compared to the last two. Enjoy.

**Specter**  
_by Silk  
copyright 1998_

Once again the terror rushes through me as I sit up in my bedroll, my eyes darting out into the night but refusing to look, for the moment, at the space beside me. Unnamed fear and despair rule my soul, the spectral memories of the night cruelly torments my mind.

My hands clench into the fur beneath me, the muscles of my body straining to keep still. Ghostly images continue to flash through my mind, of a world without a soul and a love left behind. I see the real world as a dream, an unreal vision that plays with my half-asleep mind. A scream hovers on the edge of my tongue and only the fact that my mind is still frozen in partial slumber keeps me from releasing it.

Finally, after several moments, I open my weary eyes wider and turn my head, determined to discover the truth of my nightmares. A soft cry of relief escapes from me at the sight of the body curled up only a handsbreath away. I collapse back onto the ground, like a spring that has lost all tension. I'm boneless, barely holding on to life...but I'm holding onto it just the same. My strength is here beside me.

How would I survive if she were not there, I wonder.

Thankfully, she is and I softly sigh into the evening breeze, content in the knowledge that all is well in my world as I gaze over at her. I've been alone without her before and I thought my soul would die from the experience. If I lost her again...

Such reflections vanish as I watch her. Such innocence. Such determination. Such awe inspiring beauty.

Everything about her fills me. But there is one thing that drives me to distraction more than any other.

Her eyes.

They never cease to amaze me with their allure and never cease to surprise me when they look at me, seeing me through Love's veil. To her I'm a hero, a person as good as she is. I find it so hard to live up to her expectations sometimes, feeling the call of my earlier life in the darkest of moments. But when she looks at me and gives me the faintest of smiles, I find myself rejuvenated and filled with loving her. Without the light of her love to guide me, I know I would've been lost long ago. So for her, and only her, I'm the hero. Through her eyes, I see myself the way she sees me. It's an amazing gift she has, to see the good in everything and through that gift she gives the strength of conviction.

Those eyes. Just the thought of them, hidden behind sleeping lids, blanketed by long lashes, sends a flash flood of love and desire through me.

And just the thought of the love we have...sends an even more powerful force of need surging through my veins.

It's almost palatable, this love of ours, and as I sit in the darkness awash in desire, I find myself wanting to touch her. Carefully, so as not to wake her, I reach out my hand and touch the silken tresses. Even with the soft glow of the campfire nearly gone her hair leaps and dances as if ablaze like a wildfire. It seems so alive, touching me, caressing me as I run my fingers along its length. I shiver as it tickles my palm.

Carefully, I brush my fingertips along her cheek, down to her mouth and gingerly brush her bottom lip with my thumb, trying to remember all the times I've touched them. But it's impossible; too many memories...too many times have I feasted and been feasted upon by her.

The edge of her mouth twitches into a slight smile and I know she's starting to awaken. It's hard to feel guilty about it though, for when she finally opens her bright eyes and looks at me, I've found that I've forgotten everything for a moment.

The night is gone.

Dark dreams forgotten.

Everything fades as the lighter half of my soul looks into my eyes, radiating love.

Her gaze burns me to the furthest reaches of my heart.

I've fought armies and gods, but there's no weapon as destructive nor as sweet as the power of this woman's soul on mine. After all the blood I've spilled and the pain I've caused through the years, I find it a miracle that I've been gifted by her presence. I know that if I had met this woman before I had turned willingly from my dark path, I would've been defeated by her with merely a glance.

Grasping my hand in hers, she gently kisses my thumb that still rests against her lips. Then, with an impish gleam in her eyes, she moves onto my fingers and sensually nibbles them.

My heart is beating so fast and loud, that I'm surprised the owls and crickets around us aren't startled into silence by the sound. Smiling back at her, I turn over, resting part of my body against hers and using my free arm to hold the rest of me above her.

Her lips part and her tongue darts out to stroke two of my fingers, then draws them into the wet cavern of her mouth. My eyes briefly flutter closed as the sensation of her tongue caressing my fingers, dipping in between and around, begins to drown me in a warm tide of sensuality.

No specter could be as passionate. No apparition of demon dreams could love me this way. No illusion could be..._this real._

A low guttural moan escapes my lips and she releases my fingers from her mouth with a sweet parting kiss.

"I love you," I whisper, my voice cracking slightly.

Without answering she takes control of my body, running her hands hotly down my sides, her touch only constrained by the linen nightshirts we wear. Then, before I can even begin to fumble at the fastenings, they're gone as she pulls mine and then her own off of us. When we are finally naked to the world and to each other, she pulls me back down to her, our warm flesh touching from entwining legs to sensitized breasts.

No specter this. No fiery death threatens except the one I'll find in her arms.

Wrapping her fingers in my hair she pulls me down to devour me. Warm breath, sweet wetness...we merge. Twisting and stroking, our tongues dance and caress.

As we swim in this bliss called love, our hands restlessly explore, touching aching flesh, stroking heated skin, and sliding into slickness. Our bodies coil like snakes around each other, each of us trying to meld deeper into the other. Pleasure both consumes and pains us. No matter how much we try or will it, we can't become one. But oh...we come close to that Elysian perfection.

Breath comes faster the closer we both come to the edge of bliss. Eyes meet, both of us silently begging for release at the same moment. She is more than real to me this way, more alive, no longer screaming in my horrible dreams. Instead, she becomes ingrained deeply in me. Her breath quickens in my lungs. Her blood beats in my heart. Her thoughts race through my mind. Her strength burgeons in my arms. Her passion feeds my soul. She becomes all to me.

Even after we cry out and fall back to the mortal realm and the night's breeze does its best to cool our bodies, the flame of our passion is still too great to be so easily quenched. With a sly smile she lifts her head from my chest and looks down at me with that smoldering gaze I know so well. Wordlessly, she slides her body slightly up mine and lowers her warm lips to mine once more. My hands glide along her silken skin to grasp her more firmly to me.

I want so much..._need_...soul, wrenching, aching _need_ to merge, to be one with this woman. But even at the pinacle of passion, even the melding of our souls doesn't seem enough. I crave more and at times like this one, when our passion blossoms out of control, I can feel the same desire radiate from her.

The flame between us bursts into a wildfire, then into a firestorm of desire when her lips part and her slick tongue glides against mine. I feel so much for this person in my arms that I fear I'll die from it. How can anyone live with such passion and not be burned alive, like a moth that knowingly flies into the fire. I'm weak in her grasp and have no defense against such love she brings to me.

It's at this moment, when I feel something..._change_. Under my lips and my touch, she begins to feel less substantial. My lover looks down at me with pleading eyes as I look back in surprise. What is this? My hand no longer touches her; instead it caresses only air. I'm frozen in shock, stunned at what my eyes tell me but what my mind doesn't, or won't, understand.

She whispers my name faintly just before a cool breeze sweeps over us and blows her away. The woman I love, whose voice echoes in the depths of my soul, disappears as if she's never been.

My heart screams and I abruptly sit up in my bedroll, my eyes opening and immediately searching for her. As my lungs take in huge breaths and bellow out again, I feel a terrible sense of loss. What is this? Am I only dreaming? I turn my gaze to the space beside me and my heart constricts at the sight.

It's empty...and has been for days.

I blink several times as my mind tries to separate substance from dream. Then it comes to me, the truth in all its harsh reality.

Her smile is gone from my world. Her eyes won't be there to look into mine with desire. Soft touches, a sparkling laugh, her stories...all a memory, taken away in a moment of self-sacrifice. The light in my soul is gone as surely as she is. She was only a vision in my dreams...a specter.

I can see in my mind's eye the color of spring green gazing into mine as she falls to her fiery end. Night sounds fade as I hear her scream my name and I wipe the tears from my face. How many lonely days and nights have passed since that dreadful day? I shiver from the knowledge. Too long...even one day was far too much. An eternity has passed with every pulse of my heart that has beaten alone.

The only hope...the only vision I survive on now is one of the future. A possibility, an apparition of love. But then my heart howls and my spirit cries in grief. Here, alone in the dark of night, I think that perhaps there was no dream and there will be no future. Perhaps she was only an illusion created to destroy me.

I've searched and searched, but she's nowhere to be found. She lives only in my dreams, haunting me with her eyes and possessing my memories with the last time she cried my name.

There's no anger, no fury...just loneliness. Deep, soul dissolving, loneliness.

I sink back onto my bed furs and close my eyes against the emptiness that fills me. The night is almost gone before I begin to uneasily drift into the mists of sleep again. I try and keep with me the sight of her caressing my body and her bright soul merging with mine in love, and I pray, to any god that will listen, that I will awaken to a better dream.

**The End**


End file.
